i think about you all the time
something that has been on my mind for a while
There is a void in my heart. There is a you-sized shape in my heart. Only one that you will be able to fill. It’s funny because I don’t even know you. Not yet, anyways. But I know once you enter my life, you’ll fit perfectly. I’ve tried to fill the emptiness with others. And although they seemed to have fit for a while, eventually they crack from the pressure of fitting in a space that was never theirs, or they’re too small and tiny gaps still remain. The yearning never leaves. It just amplifies. The feel of someone wrapping their arms around me, comforting me, knowing me, is just so appealing to me. I ache for someone putting in the effort to understand what goes on in my mind. For someone to want to know the ins and outs. The intricacies of who I am. I want the feeling of being craved and desired, not just in fleeting moments of lust, but even when I’m closed off to everyone else. I blame my high standards on reading fanfiction and how I’ve been treated by those around me. The love I’ve received from others around me has left a light in my heart that I refuse to let dim. He was the first person that made me feel really seen, made me feel like I truly mattered. I had spent so long lost in the noise, surrounded by people who only saw pieces of me, but he… he saw all of me. The parts I hid, the parts I was scared to show. With him, I didn’t have to pretend to be something I wasn’t. He didn’t ask for me to be perfect. He simply accepted me, flaws and all. I hated the cola bottles and eggs in the Haribo Star Mix. He’d eat them for me, without ever complaining. To this day, I don’t know if he actually liked them Or if he just didn’t want me to have to pick around them. Either way, he never made a fuss. And that was enough, back then. He’d wait for me, Even when I told him not to. He was stubborn—more stubborn than me, Which is saying something. He’d hand me his hoodie without a word. I’d try to push it away, Even with my teeth chattering. But he’d just hold it out, Patient, silent, unwavering, Until I gave in and took it from him. I could see the smirk as I pulled it on, His hand reaching out to smooth my hair down. Like I was something delicate. Something worth caring for. I loved him, I really did. But I knew it would never work out. Because he isn’t you. There’s a void in my heart. Only you will be able to fill it. There’s a you-shaped space inside of me. Funny, isn’t it? I don’t even know you. Not yet, anyway. But I know once you arrive, you’ll fit like you were always meant to be there. I’ve tried to fill the emptiness with others. And for a while, they seemed to fit. But eventually, they cracked under the pressure of holding a place that was never theirs. Or they were too small—leaving behind tiny gaps that hurt more than being alone ever did. They made me feel good for a while. Enveloped me in their comforting scents, Let me escape the loneliness for just a little bit. I don’t know if I ever truly loved them. Maybe I thought I did. But if I did— It’s not like how I love you. Or, I guess, How I’ll love you. I wonder what you’re like. Do you drink coffee? Or maybe you prefer tea? Or something else entirely—something I’ll tease you for at first, but end up loving because it’s yours. What side of the bed do you sleep on? Do you hog the covers? Do you stay up late or fall asleep mid-conversation? Do you like reading? Will you read to me? I hope you will. I want to hear your voice after a long day—low, steady, kind. I want to lie with my head in your lap as you stroke my hair back, Soft fingers tracing away the stress I carried all day. I think about that a lot. About being able to rest with someone, not just next to them. I know I’ll meet you eventually. The whispers to my Lord never go unheard. My prayers for you stand as tall as mountains. And when you arrive, I’ll know. Because you’ll fit the space no one else ever could.
Thank you for reading the tides between 🌊 !! These thoughts were swimming in my head and I just had to get them down on paper. This newsletter is currently free, however please consider subscribing or buying me a bubble tea. It keeps me writing and I would really appreciate it. 🫶🏼
i love this so much🥹 whenever i’m hurting, i make extra dua for my future partner because i know the love he will give will be worth all this temporary pain. i can’t wait to meet him إن شاء الله 💗💗💗
Your words… they didn’t just touch me—they found me.
They reached the space I’ve kept hidden from the world, the space no one sees when I smile through the day, when I carry on like I’m whole. But I’m not. There’s a void inside me too—a space that feels ancient, like it was carved before I even understood what I was missing.
It’s deep. Deeper than loneliness.
It’s not about wanting someone just to pass the time or chase away silence.
No—it's about yearning for someone who feels like home.
Someone who doesn’t knock before entering the soul because they were always meant to be there.
And yes, I cry before my Creator for that space.
I cry because only He knows the shape of what I seek.
Only He understands what I need even when I don’t have the words to ask for it.
So I speak to Him—not always with speech, but through my aching, through those quiet, desperate moments when the world sleeps and I stay awake, whispering,
"Ya Allah… send me someone who sees me the way You do when I’m most lost."
Reading your letter felt like hearing my own heart echo back to me, just with a different voice—one that is softer, braver, and drenched in the kind of hope only du'as can carry.
And so, from the rawest, most unguarded part of my heart, I make this du'a for you:
Ya Allah, grant her someone whose presence feels like peace, like ease after years of searching. Let him come with no conditions, no cracks in his love, no gaps in his understanding. Let him hold her hand with the same gentleness You show us in our lowest moments. And when she rests her head, let it be on a chest that was made to carry the weight of her dreams, her fears, and her softness. Let him be the answer she never has to question. A love that fits, finally, perfectly, deeply. A love that was always meant for her. Ameen.
You may not know me, dear Halima,
But I felt everything.
Every word.
And I pray the one you're waiting for arrives at the exact moment you're ready to be loved the way your heart deserves.